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My Grandmother the Leo Tells Me About Her Nine Lives
My Grandmother the Leo Tells Me About Her Nine Lives
by
Jessica Abughattas
“The price of a kiss is your life” — Rumi
In my first life I was a speck
inside my mother, a chord
vaulted in the cathedral
of her throat; a homily.
In my next life I cropped my hair
like a man, worked late nights
in a sock factory.
Alhamdulillah
,
I lived 100 lives
for you
.
In my next life my husband
carved crosses from the wood
of olive trees.
Where a high rise
hotel stands, my love and I
peeled oranges
by the sea.
In my next life I was widowed
when my youngest
child was three.
My eldest married
under a veil of smoke,
only seventeen.
And I have died
100 more times
.
My first death,
when barbed wire
kissed my scalp,
I walked to the medic
past men
who would have shot at me.
By my second death
I could afford a telephone.
I left my house
arranged perfectly.
Neighbors called
to ask how I could leave
before we kissed goodbye.
I told them god
has written this fate for me,
and when I go…
do not cry for me.
I have mustered
enough tears
to drown the shores
of Tel Aviv.
I do not wish for love;
I loved my husband.
I do not wish for wealth;
we had a palace…
we lived for 10 years
peacefully.
When we arrived
at the apartment, we slept
altogether
on one mattress at first,
your mother
and aunt and me.
I want nothing;
alhamdulillah
and everything good
I owe to you—
When I crossed
the border
into Amman
I fell on my knees
I kissed the ground 100 times.