Narcissus Impostor Syndrome

by JULIAN RANDALL

 

Vanity is a sin         but
look what happened
in its absence      maybe it is hard to
leave because I have never
had a face before     less
a question of beauty
than what it is to be unworthy
of even the smallest touch
Maybe every myth is stuck
with thirst     to see a stranger
and never be as much a stranger
again        part of me is always at a lake
that I was not invited to
so when I see anything     I thirst
Once     a boy with insistent hands
touched me in a dark so complete
I lost my own face for months
I couldn’t cum      and wouldn’t
speak    thus drought    thus I
would rather drown     I would
rather be misinterpreted as loving
myself so much      I die only for me
Only when I drown am I enough
On any land     I fear I am a fraud
I pledge allegiance     only to what
is upfront about wanting me dead
I pledge allegiance to me     sometimes
But I am afraid even of the water
Stupid boy         planned his own death
so poorly         he survived